While I was just typing his name I kinda felt strange like I am writing this name for the first time, a name which was born before me, a name I must have called a zillion times..a name which is associated with for so many of my years.. Yes that's my Bro..whom I lost..
For some wierd reason..i cant recall many incidents of my childhood probably because most of it were not so good one, but yes there were beautiful days, days when me and Bro' would escape from home to play all day along..we had the same group of friends..sisters, brothers all in all, most of the times together..then we started growing up Bro' my senior in school we would update each other with every trivial issues happened in the class, then there was this bus journey back home, not the school bus mind you it was the local private bus..most of time no seats available suprFull is the word..every time a whistle would blow in the back I would just know it was him..would feel embarrased…..
He loved the movies..would watch one every week..for him it was a way of life..i remember once such episode of movie going which I accompanied him..there again the whistles n shouts began, what a stupid company I was to him coz I would always cried in every movie and would repeatedly ask him take me back home..poor Bro' not much choice left would coax me to fall asleep…
Our fights…those were major ones..even sometimes Pappa' n Ma would be dragged in ..heated arguments would follow sometime slaps too…then again the next day we would be back to normal,,
He always thought of me as a very brave girl, someone who could achieve everything I want..and for me he was a clean guy always helpful to others, always out of the house with friends…somehow we started becoming close to each other, began confiding in each other our small secrets just then he was gone..
Losing someone didn’t have any meaning to me till that day..had never faced death from so near..He was taken away without any notice, no final words spoken, nothing..he just left US..even today I do not know how we survived those few days..I didn’t want to live even tried convincing Mom that we should die( sometimes wish that was better…………………)
But yes…time is the best healer, it took us years to stop refering his name for everything we do..slowly conversations involving him has reduced..maybe each of us are making a consious effort not to remind other of him..he remains in the photographs overlooking us..Mom religiously place flowers for him..
I am left with no one to confide in..no one to discuss the mundane matters of life………no one to fight with , Miss you Brother!! No words to say how much I do..! there is an empty space left by you which could not be filled by anyone till now..Wherever you are..Pappa, Amma, me Love you and always will ;(
" No farewll words were spoken, No time to say Goodbye..you were gone before we knew it...and Only God knows why....If tears could build a stairway & memories a lane......................I'd walk right upto heaven and bring you back home again........"
hmm..:-( ...only tears..no words to say ...
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