I donno why all good things have to come to an end! Its been a couple of years I have been working now and it always was wonderful. There was not one moment I wished I should take a break from work...its a different matter that I can’t afford it though (moola matter man!!)…but now yes..i am done..i cant go on like this, this ain’t doing me any good..but anyways I am not going write about my frustruations..
It was one of these days D* called me over for a chat behind closed doors & I sensed something wrong..its not an usual thing,,he is a very transparent man you see! I didn't have a good feeling either..but there I went, he went on to say I aint a fool to know nothing etc.,blah..blah..and that he was leaving for GOOD!..Phew..thats it I could no longer hold my tears, very rarely I cry so sincerely..i went sob.sob..sob..i definitely looked like a nursery kid. Clumsy and so dishevelled ! well I knew D* would leave one day or other, but somehow always put that thought behind, for me I believed something here would make him stay..but now I know his calling was different..maybe he got a plum role and in the dream country..where he belongs!!! He would soon be packing stuff to bid a final Goodbye!
This hasn't gone very well with me…I so much like him, his passion for work, his attitude towards life and more than everything his gentle caring self. I have never bothered whether anybody like him or not..for me he has been an Angel in so many ways, there were times when he actually taught me so many things and said this would be make me more efficient, Yes it did..i am happy I worked for him..but the best thing I like about him is he is so genuine..he is either black or white with no shades of grey, when he is fine and happy..he is actually, and when he is upset,…he is genuinely upset..Maybe with time I will not think of him so much, I wish I really didn't..but I admire him so much!!!
Just today..when I had to search something from his place and when I managed it fast..he asked me to let him know what I wanted..I really tried to fight back my tears when I did say..Stay back!!!! He knows I can do anything for him..because he’s been a wonderful manager! The kind of person you rarely get to see…
So, here’s for the great D*! for your success and happiness, may you have everything you wish for!!
I love to see you ..
but to love you I neednt see ya..
Somewhere along the line..if God permits I would like to see you…or Is this the End!!! Gonna miss you like crazy..
This time when you get on the flight back home..forget all of us here..i wont be upset..for no longer we would matter to YOU!!!
Byeooooooooooo…
(And D* not but least..i recently read the book “Twilight” and somehow I happened to think that years ago the description of Edward would have been apt for you..:-) doesn't mean you arent anyday older..you still rock!!!...........
I end with my fav line “Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction”~(do we???)
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
hmm..visit to 'Kaya'!!
Why I need to write on this…..
Coz it made me feel so lost..so low..so so etc..etc..(everything not so good)
…it was one of the days and one of the lunch sessions that me and a friend at work decided to check out this really cool skin clinic opened nearby and we landed there with an ear to ear grin beaming with pride that we were the coolest ones to be checking it out…both of us did have it in our brains that no matter what we were not gonna spend a penny, so there we go, nice place huh!!! All so new and clean quite small actually but OK , and then came the dainty one asking why we were there..obviously we can’t tell her that we were bored at work & wanted to kill some time:-) and then came the wonder words…M’am since this branch has opened newly we are offering free consultation..yippee..both of us looked each other and were again back to our ear to ear Smiley.
Ok..we settled for consultation and we said we shall walk in together as we don't have much time on us..obviously we still needed to visit the nearby Domino’s (how could we miss dat?!)………………..and then we walked into a tiny place we nearly had to squeeze ourselves thanks to my thin framed friend..we were still okay, maybe I will write about her in future sometime.
Anyways to our utter disappointment it was a female Dr.(people knowing me already must be so sad for me..)and then asks as if there was a gift to be given and who would be the first one to volunteer..and I promptly say ‘ME’ looking at my Punjabi “oh-so-beautiful” friend and her flawless complexion. There I sat with my face straight up and staring at nowhere in particular, Dr. scans my face with the magnifier lens(ohsoboring types) and says I have a nice complexion but some pigmentation, wrinkles, dark circles and then the crowfeet and the frown line on forehead…hellooooooo stop not a word after this..i would have killed her easily…
She went on to say how much damage the Sun had did to my skin..deep within me I was sulking coz no one ever told me the situation was so bad..i went from bad to worse..she said there were DPN’s (ByJoe I really do not know what actually this is, but I distinctly remember her saying this) and to come to the smile she says I have a great smile but there are lines which are formed which is bad and then she concentrates at my forehead and says I have a deep frown line(the one like Nazeruddin shaw or Om puri..really don't remember whom she mentioned said they have them too…and then this topic on fillers and Botox came up and I started wit a lot of questions at her and my fren was surprised at my so called knowledge on all this..then the Doc came up with an estimate on how much it would cost for all of this stuff to get back to OK and the estimate ran in 5 figure amount and I went nuts………………….*****.
Now it was my fren’s turn mind u she is one of those pahadi who is blessed with a gr8 skin, no doubt about it..Doc spoke to her in length on her redness of her skin and called that Rosacia and I sat there wondering Y not lotusasia or any other acia??? I always never trusted these docs..she referred some treatment to her as well and she I knew was fuming and was telling me under my breath nothing doing im not doing any crap”
Finally we came out of the observation room(Im so bad with this nomenclature of rooms etc.,) and again presented our million dollar smile (but I doubted while I smiled if it will further harm the laugh line)and said THANKS..we would get back(never would ) then on we moved to Dominos and binged on chicken tikka topped pizzas and juicy chicken wings and nice cold Ice tea….but deep down my heart I still was wondering why it was a problem to smile and have a line and frown and have a line….and crow feet..each of the line there was for the happiness and problems I faced so jubilantly over the years…the pain endured during difficult times..and everything else,….is it so easy to fill it up wit some fillers or BOTOX,
Maybe I will leave it like that..never wanted to be beautiful coz beauty for me is skindeeeeep, CHEERS!!!! Love all of you with those gr8 lines..it only tells us we’ve come a long way…!!!!
Coz it made me feel so lost..so low..so so etc..etc..(everything not so good)
…it was one of the days and one of the lunch sessions that me and a friend at work decided to check out this really cool skin clinic opened nearby and we landed there with an ear to ear grin beaming with pride that we were the coolest ones to be checking it out…both of us did have it in our brains that no matter what we were not gonna spend a penny, so there we go, nice place huh!!! All so new and clean quite small actually but OK , and then came the dainty one asking why we were there..obviously we can’t tell her that we were bored at work & wanted to kill some time:-) and then came the wonder words…M’am since this branch has opened newly we are offering free consultation..yippee..both of us looked each other and were again back to our ear to ear Smiley.
Ok..we settled for consultation and we said we shall walk in together as we don't have much time on us..obviously we still needed to visit the nearby Domino’s (how could we miss dat?!)………………..and then we walked into a tiny place we nearly had to squeeze ourselves thanks to my thin framed friend..we were still okay, maybe I will write about her in future sometime.
Anyways to our utter disappointment it was a female Dr.(people knowing me already must be so sad for me..)and then asks as if there was a gift to be given and who would be the first one to volunteer..and I promptly say ‘ME’ looking at my Punjabi “oh-so-beautiful” friend and her flawless complexion. There I sat with my face straight up and staring at nowhere in particular, Dr. scans my face with the magnifier lens(ohsoboring types) and says I have a nice complexion but some pigmentation, wrinkles, dark circles and then the crowfeet and the frown line on forehead…hellooooooo stop not a word after this..i would have killed her easily…
She went on to say how much damage the Sun had did to my skin..deep within me I was sulking coz no one ever told me the situation was so bad..i went from bad to worse..she said there were DPN’s (ByJoe I really do not know what actually this is, but I distinctly remember her saying this) and to come to the smile she says I have a great smile but there are lines which are formed which is bad and then she concentrates at my forehead and says I have a deep frown line(the one like Nazeruddin shaw or Om puri..really don't remember whom she mentioned said they have them too…and then this topic on fillers and Botox came up and I started wit a lot of questions at her and my fren was surprised at my so called knowledge on all this..then the Doc came up with an estimate on how much it would cost for all of this stuff to get back to OK and the estimate ran in 5 figure amount and I went nuts………………….*****.
Now it was my fren’s turn mind u she is one of those pahadi who is blessed with a gr8 skin, no doubt about it..Doc spoke to her in length on her redness of her skin and called that Rosacia and I sat there wondering Y not lotusasia or any other acia??? I always never trusted these docs..she referred some treatment to her as well and she I knew was fuming and was telling me under my breath nothing doing im not doing any crap”
Finally we came out of the observation room(Im so bad with this nomenclature of rooms etc.,) and again presented our million dollar smile (but I doubted while I smiled if it will further harm the laugh line)and said THANKS..we would get back(never would ) then on we moved to Dominos and binged on chicken tikka topped pizzas and juicy chicken wings and nice cold Ice tea….but deep down my heart I still was wondering why it was a problem to smile and have a line and frown and have a line….and crow feet..each of the line there was for the happiness and problems I faced so jubilantly over the years…the pain endured during difficult times..and everything else,….is it so easy to fill it up wit some fillers or BOTOX,
Maybe I will leave it like that..never wanted to be beautiful coz beauty for me is skindeeeeep, CHEERS!!!! Love all of you with those gr8 lines..it only tells us we’ve come a long way…!!!!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Musings of Life!
After lot of coaxing from a fren me starting with this, had always thought of it but somehow could not get myself to do this. Days are passing by so fast at times i sit n wonder what i did in the past..one has no record of the doings of the day, times when i felt lost when there was so much happening in life and not a person to share, i would write my diary very religiously and later one day would sit reading it and start sobbing, wondering why im made so emotional..n why others arent...right now life seems beautiful..len(my greatest joy!!!) is growing up and every day he learns a new word, new something to tell me when i hit back home, there are moments i wonder what my life would have been without him..he bought in so much joy in so many lives..when i didnt know to ride a bike.. i would always admire girls who could do it, one fine day when someone good friend offered me to teach me how to do it i thought that was it..i didnt need anything ...in a salwar suit i went Vroom...vroom..in a yamaha cant help smiling when i think of it and then came my desire to learn driving the car..there enters my famous husband..who said yes u gotta do it..5 mins and we were over with it, had a bitter fight got back home, the same episode repeated 5 more times and i was like this' is it...no more driving for me..After years..i again had this wish back in my wishlist(Prio 1) and i rushed to the nearby driving school and enrolled..all i did for 10 days was to sit in front of the steering n wonder will i make it..of course i did only after Pa bought a car...there i go again Vroooommmm...................................!im happy i am always up to something, wanting to do something new, i love challenges in life..and for me biggest challenge is LIVING..believe me i make an effort..
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Just for U!
This one’s for you.....................
Have been thinking from a very long time when was it I lived my life..yes! it was then(do you remember?) I have vowed that I will not take names as it will ruffle a lot of relationships and turn nasty..maybe everything we built in years would just go away with mere words..or maybe not also as always I might prove wrong, but its ok its better this way.
Today I am so mature that I don't feel a thing when I look back, well actually I do feel happy that it was nothing but a mystery why we had to part..but maybe it was destined to happen..
Never found anyone your types..i could so much relate to you, God! We were worst than girlfriends,,we could possibly talk endlessly isn’t it..i hardly talk today not that I cant, I don't have anything to talk about. I feel so tongue-tied in all situations, somehow we lost out on being good friends isn’t it?? We could have made each other's proud if we had just remained friends but no its no use we discuss this….
I think you have done well in life I always feared for you, thought you will never handle responsibilities etc..etc, proved me wrong!!! Deep within I hated you for having everything and not having to strive for anything, you never knew what it was to earn a living or how is it live in this big bad world. Being from a affluent family and born with a golden spoon in your mouth it was so much easy..you really didn't have to make an effort, I still remember the first time I was introduced to you near to the college I hated you at the glance you were one of those rich types(?!) but the second time it was ok and now I shall stop I don't really want to write about each and every meeting of ours it might take me hours.
We didn't have a reason to become close and neither did we have one to call it quits, we were in no ways committed..a bit more than friends and way less than a actual relationship, but today I realize we were what they call the “best of buddies” material only thing which went against us was our gender8-) when I generally searched for you on Orkut(after ages!)..i was taken aback didn't expect you to be so much there, although the pic was not so clear..but I couldn't be wrong..then began the sneak and peak which I know is wrong. I also wrote to you but never got ur reply anyways I know it would no ways change anything.
There were moments I wanted to share with you ...like the day I got my degree results(man..i managed a first class, good na?), then did my medical transcription course…went to work for a ad agency..moved to this city..kinda grew up…got married..became a Mom..and all the while missed ya..missed that affectionate friend who never had once raised voice or spoke harsh there were moments I thought I will not survive this big bad world and its nuances but actually I did, very self sufficient today..earning a very decent sal…good set of colleagues..excellent company..probably more than I ever dreamt off……. Had my share of relationships..some of them were a immediate passé some stood the test of times….trust me I am no longer that Sushma(I somehow don't remember you ever calling my name..u hardly ever…///)hmmm…good u never did or else I would have another reason to remember YOU…
God bless dear one..be happy…u are one of the nicest human beings I ever met..ByeOOOOOOO..
Have been thinking from a very long time when was it I lived my life..yes! it was then(do you remember?) I have vowed that I will not take names as it will ruffle a lot of relationships and turn nasty..maybe everything we built in years would just go away with mere words..or maybe not also as always I might prove wrong, but its ok its better this way.
Today I am so mature that I don't feel a thing when I look back, well actually I do feel happy that it was nothing but a mystery why we had to part..but maybe it was destined to happen..
Never found anyone your types..i could so much relate to you, God! We were worst than girlfriends,,we could possibly talk endlessly isn’t it..i hardly talk today not that I cant, I don't have anything to talk about. I feel so tongue-tied in all situations, somehow we lost out on being good friends isn’t it?? We could have made each other's proud if we had just remained friends but no its no use we discuss this….
I think you have done well in life I always feared for you, thought you will never handle responsibilities etc..etc, proved me wrong!!! Deep within I hated you for having everything and not having to strive for anything, you never knew what it was to earn a living or how is it live in this big bad world. Being from a affluent family and born with a golden spoon in your mouth it was so much easy..you really didn't have to make an effort, I still remember the first time I was introduced to you near to the college I hated you at the glance you were one of those rich types(?!) but the second time it was ok and now I shall stop I don't really want to write about each and every meeting of ours it might take me hours.
We didn't have a reason to become close and neither did we have one to call it quits, we were in no ways committed..a bit more than friends and way less than a actual relationship, but today I realize we were what they call the “best of buddies” material only thing which went against us was our gender8-) when I generally searched for you on Orkut(after ages!)..i was taken aback didn't expect you to be so much there, although the pic was not so clear..but I couldn't be wrong..then began the sneak and peak which I know is wrong. I also wrote to you but never got ur reply anyways I know it would no ways change anything.
There were moments I wanted to share with you ...like the day I got my degree results(man..i managed a first class, good na?), then did my medical transcription course…went to work for a ad agency..moved to this city..kinda grew up…got married..became a Mom..and all the while missed ya..missed that affectionate friend who never had once raised voice or spoke harsh there were moments I thought I will not survive this big bad world and its nuances but actually I did, very self sufficient today..earning a very decent sal…good set of colleagues..excellent company..probably more than I ever dreamt off……. Had my share of relationships..some of them were a immediate passé some stood the test of times….trust me I am no longer that Sushma(I somehow don't remember you ever calling my name..u hardly ever…///)hmmm…good u never did or else I would have another reason to remember YOU…
God bless dear one..be happy…u are one of the nicest human beings I ever met..ByeOOOOOOO..
Friday, May 30, 2008
'U'- my reason to LIVE!
Reason to LiVe…
I cant really think of a better reason to live or to frame this sentence in a better way(no other so solid reason in all), he's been a joy in my life, and soothing breeze and what not..everything beautiful I can possibly compare him to..
I was not a big Mother material, of course was very cautious in that period, didn't do anything I shouldn't have done..but was never really prepared till the last moment, being the youngest at home I was a baby all thru my life..and giving way to someone was not something I was OK with, But life changed the moment I saw him..a lil bundle of Joy is what everybody say on babies …but for me he was a STAR (a star which I always wanted..nothing came close to this ..i still am fascinated for the stars which twinkles even so far away and Sun is something yes..but too loud u know:-) the moment I saw him I really couldn't believe he was mine..he was a darling and has always been so far..
When I was wheeled back from OT to the ward I hardly got to see him coz everybody took turns carrying him and I wondered how cruel of them not showing him to me at all..and next few days same story, mum always kept him away fearing that I would not be very careful with him( u know these Mothers!!!!) but believe me I have really fared very well in this role..i see so much of myself in him..so much of the real me..
I specially like the way he sleeps..he is an angel no matter how much you try to disturb him.he can still go sleeping..i sometime wonder how could someone so beautiful be mine..trust me Baby you are best thing that could ever happen to me..
Having you in my life has given me new hopes, new aspirations..and you have empowered me to always go for it the SUCCESS..i want to do better for you so that you have the Best of everything..I want you to be someone who has a kind heart, understand people, be able to judge the bad from good..and most of all a very loving person. I want you to value every word you speak and never play with emotions with whomsoever in this World
I don't really want anything in return from you..but yes Baby I want you to give a whole lot to this world coz you can bring in a lot of happiness to this otherwise sad World..Maybe u are mine with a purpose attached, to be the only reason for me to go on..with you around im so much more happier, I take pride in watching you grow up..every moment of your journey will be special to me..u facinate me in many ways..& thanks God! For giving such a wonderful child...
Love you dear one….
I cant really think of a better reason to live or to frame this sentence in a better way(no other so solid reason in all), he's been a joy in my life, and soothing breeze and what not..everything beautiful I can possibly compare him to..
I was not a big Mother material, of course was very cautious in that period, didn't do anything I shouldn't have done..but was never really prepared till the last moment, being the youngest at home I was a baby all thru my life..and giving way to someone was not something I was OK with, But life changed the moment I saw him..a lil bundle of Joy is what everybody say on babies …but for me he was a STAR (a star which I always wanted..nothing came close to this ..i still am fascinated for the stars which twinkles even so far away and Sun is something yes..but too loud u know:-) the moment I saw him I really couldn't believe he was mine..he was a darling and has always been so far..
When I was wheeled back from OT to the ward I hardly got to see him coz everybody took turns carrying him and I wondered how cruel of them not showing him to me at all..and next few days same story, mum always kept him away fearing that I would not be very careful with him( u know these Mothers!!!!) but believe me I have really fared very well in this role..i see so much of myself in him..so much of the real me..
I specially like the way he sleeps..he is an angel no matter how much you try to disturb him.he can still go sleeping..i sometime wonder how could someone so beautiful be mine..trust me Baby you are best thing that could ever happen to me..
Having you in my life has given me new hopes, new aspirations..and you have empowered me to always go for it the SUCCESS..i want to do better for you so that you have the Best of everything..I want you to be someone who has a kind heart, understand people, be able to judge the bad from good..and most of all a very loving person. I want you to value every word you speak and never play with emotions with whomsoever in this World
I don't really want anything in return from you..but yes Baby I want you to give a whole lot to this world coz you can bring in a lot of happiness to this otherwise sad World..Maybe u are mine with a purpose attached, to be the only reason for me to go on..with you around im so much more happier, I take pride in watching you grow up..every moment of your journey will be special to me..u facinate me in many ways..& thanks God! For giving such a wonderful child...
Love you dear one….
Friday, May 2, 2008
My Brother!!!one i had and lost...
Memories of my Only Brother,….SwAraj////////////////////////////
While I was just typing his name I kinda felt strange like I am writing this name for the first time, a name which was born before me, a name I must have called a zillion times..a name which is associated with for so many of my years.. Yes that's my Bro..whom I lost..
For some wierd reason..i cant recall many incidents of my childhood probably because most of it were not so good one, but yes there were beautiful days, days when me and Bro' would escape from home to play all day along..we had the same group of friends..sisters, brothers all in all, most of the times together..then we started growing up Bro' my senior in school we would update each other with every trivial issues happened in the class, then there was this bus journey back home, not the school bus mind you it was the local private bus..most of time no seats available suprFull is the word..every time a whistle would blow in the back I would just know it was him..would feel embarrased…..
He loved the movies..would watch one every week..for him it was a way of life..i remember once such episode of movie going which I accompanied him..there again the whistles n shouts began, what a stupid company I was to him coz I would always cried in every movie and would repeatedly ask him take me back home..poor Bro' not much choice left would coax me to fall asleep…
Our fights…those were major ones..even sometimes Pappa' n Ma would be dragged in ..heated arguments would follow sometime slaps too…then again the next day we would be back to normal,,
He always thought of me as a very brave girl, someone who could achieve everything I want..and for me he was a clean guy always helpful to others, always out of the house with friends…somehow we started becoming close to each other, began confiding in each other our small secrets just then he was gone..
Losing someone didn’t have any meaning to me till that day..had never faced death from so near..He was taken away without any notice, no final words spoken, nothing..he just left US..even today I do not know how we survived those few days..I didn’t want to live even tried convincing Mom that we should die( sometimes wish that was better…………………)
But yes…time is the best healer, it took us years to stop refering his name for everything we do..slowly conversations involving him has reduced..maybe each of us are making a consious effort not to remind other of him..he remains in the photographs overlooking us..Mom religiously place flowers for him..
I am left with no one to confide in..no one to discuss the mundane matters of life………no one to fight with , Miss you Brother!! No words to say how much I do..! there is an empty space left by you which could not be filled by anyone till now..Wherever you are..Pappa, Amma, me Love you and always will ;(
While I was just typing his name I kinda felt strange like I am writing this name for the first time, a name which was born before me, a name I must have called a zillion times..a name which is associated with for so many of my years.. Yes that's my Bro..whom I lost..
For some wierd reason..i cant recall many incidents of my childhood probably because most of it were not so good one, but yes there were beautiful days, days when me and Bro' would escape from home to play all day along..we had the same group of friends..sisters, brothers all in all, most of the times together..then we started growing up Bro' my senior in school we would update each other with every trivial issues happened in the class, then there was this bus journey back home, not the school bus mind you it was the local private bus..most of time no seats available suprFull is the word..every time a whistle would blow in the back I would just know it was him..would feel embarrased…..
He loved the movies..would watch one every week..for him it was a way of life..i remember once such episode of movie going which I accompanied him..there again the whistles n shouts began, what a stupid company I was to him coz I would always cried in every movie and would repeatedly ask him take me back home..poor Bro' not much choice left would coax me to fall asleep…
Our fights…those were major ones..even sometimes Pappa' n Ma would be dragged in ..heated arguments would follow sometime slaps too…then again the next day we would be back to normal,,
He always thought of me as a very brave girl, someone who could achieve everything I want..and for me he was a clean guy always helpful to others, always out of the house with friends…somehow we started becoming close to each other, began confiding in each other our small secrets just then he was gone..
Losing someone didn’t have any meaning to me till that day..had never faced death from so near..He was taken away without any notice, no final words spoken, nothing..he just left US..even today I do not know how we survived those few days..I didn’t want to live even tried convincing Mom that we should die( sometimes wish that was better…………………)
But yes…time is the best healer, it took us years to stop refering his name for everything we do..slowly conversations involving him has reduced..maybe each of us are making a consious effort not to remind other of him..he remains in the photographs overlooking us..Mom religiously place flowers for him..
I am left with no one to confide in..no one to discuss the mundane matters of life………no one to fight with , Miss you Brother!! No words to say how much I do..! there is an empty space left by you which could not be filled by anyone till now..Wherever you are..Pappa, Amma, me Love you and always will ;(
" No farewll words were spoken, No time to say Goodbye..you were gone before we knew it...and Only God knows why....If tears could build a stairway & memories a lane......................I'd walk right upto heaven and bring you back home again........"
It always feels wonderful to write, I personally feel there are two kind of people in the world who can talk/ who can write, some are equally good in both and some in neither of it. For me, writing was never so important when I had someone to express my feelings, not necessarily joy or anger but the general happenings of the ...but now when I am left with no one to share what I feel ...this might work wonders to me…
I donno whats happening..just yesterday mom kept saying that I have changed(Mom till today has never spoken a word against me..) she started off saying how impatient I have become, no longer that happy-go-lucky gal I used be, blah.blah…..blah..Dad too more or less repeated the same. Hey what do you expect me to do guys I myself is very confused,..in any other situation this is definitely not the way I would react, now almost smallest of things freaks me out..i scream like anything.unable to handle the stress
I feel everything is wrong, everybody is against me. Seriously had it in mind that I need some help but I know that wil not work out for me. I am not someone who wil listen to some fella saying I am insane,,Goddamit! I am okay just that my problems arent;)………there are times when I sit and wonder does everybody go thru this phase…must be(atleast that would be consolation to this worried soul:-(
I have a problem everywhere let me tell you(anycase whom am I telling this?) at home I feel Im overly used up..cant do all this yaar…Leny although isnt a difficult child is definitely attention seeker, he need me to be around for nothing and everything..baby please understand..i cant be.i also should be cooking..should be dressing up…should be talking over the phone..should be reading the newspaper( only luxury I cant possibly miss)..should be finding the right clothes out of my wardrobe etc…etc
@ at work..there I feel im underly used((right Englis` who is bothered?!)), I feel my potential is not used..C'mon me not saying I wanna become a developer (geek im not cut for that…sitting and staring into the computer as if something is gonna pop out of nowhere) or something..guys gimme some decent stuff where I can prove myself, where I can use my goddamn brains, these days I don’t even feel like dressing up for work..i pull out something which is obviously easy to press and bingo Im ready(did I mention..i stopped my famous Kajal..so that saves me the time and energy) dab on a dollop of sunscreen and a touch of lipstick and there goes ME..how ruthlessly I drive my bike..GOD Knows..
God U have been kind enough to me in so many ways..Must be mad that I don’t pray..i just cant u know it..but yes!!! I believe in you…I know without you I could not have pulled on for so long…and I damn sure you will keep me going for a long while..
Hats Off to ya!!!!
I donno whats happening..just yesterday mom kept saying that I have changed(Mom till today has never spoken a word against me..) she started off saying how impatient I have become, no longer that happy-go-lucky gal I used be, blah.blah…..blah..Dad too more or less repeated the same. Hey what do you expect me to do guys I myself is very confused,..in any other situation this is definitely not the way I would react, now almost smallest of things freaks me out..i scream like anything.unable to handle the stress
I feel everything is wrong, everybody is against me. Seriously had it in mind that I need some help but I know that wil not work out for me. I am not someone who wil listen to some fella saying I am insane,,Goddamit! I am okay just that my problems arent;)………there are times when I sit and wonder does everybody go thru this phase…must be(atleast that would be consolation to this worried soul:-(
I have a problem everywhere let me tell you(anycase whom am I telling this?) at home I feel Im overly used up..cant do all this yaar…Leny although isnt a difficult child is definitely attention seeker, he need me to be around for nothing and everything..baby please understand..i cant be.i also should be cooking..should be dressing up…should be talking over the phone..should be reading the newspaper( only luxury I cant possibly miss)..should be finding the right clothes out of my wardrobe etc…etc
@ at work..there I feel im underly used((right Englis` who is bothered?!)), I feel my potential is not used..C'mon me not saying I wanna become a developer (geek im not cut for that…sitting and staring into the computer as if something is gonna pop out of nowhere) or something..guys gimme some decent stuff where I can prove myself, where I can use my goddamn brains, these days I don’t even feel like dressing up for work..i pull out something which is obviously easy to press and bingo Im ready(did I mention..i stopped my famous Kajal..so that saves me the time and energy) dab on a dollop of sunscreen and a touch of lipstick and there goes ME..how ruthlessly I drive my bike..GOD Knows..
God U have been kind enough to me in so many ways..Must be mad that I don’t pray..i just cant u know it..but yes!!! I believe in you…I know without you I could not have pulled on for so long…and I damn sure you will keep me going for a long while..
Hats Off to ya!!!!
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Len
My reason to Smile:)