jus' read it..

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back"

how true..aint it..lets see if this will bring in a change in me:)

At times I wish I am heard
I am noticed...
Yet other times
I wish the world forgets me
And goes on
Like I don’t exist
Coz I will not live by its terms
Its ways.....
The" rebel" in me is waking UP!

why is that somebody is made victim
of someone else' ego...
of someone else' insecurities..and complexes
when there is so much to deal with oneself
.......

30-ish Theory:)

I remember in college I would brag with friends..i can’t wait to be in my 30’s and then they would look at me like I have gone nuts!!!! I believed my 30’s will rock and it sure is! I know many will agree with me about this. Age brings along with it a sense of maturity and stability.

There are moments I am glad the way life has turned out, proud of every decision I have made, some turned out beautiful and others real bad, but it has brought a sense of accountability in me. I was more a free spirit and never liked to be bogged down with anything. I think my teenage was a havoc both to me and others , was always in a constant battle with my emotions, turbulent I should say. A bit more than a child and less a adult, trying to figure out ways of life…oof what a mess:).
And then there I was out in the world on my own, college done as there were no plans to continue further. My experiment with careers began, I am not sure if I made a success of it nevertheless met a wide variety of people. A few people who made a huge difference, rest of the lot don’t matter at all.
Me and a good friend were talking a couple of months ago that we could write a story of our life but I wanna wait.... life hasn’t come to an end….and (lol) I am only in my 30’s and it seems like it has just begun…….

Years ago it was impossible for me to judge people and when things turned sour I would know..but now I feel like a expert, I feel like I have this special power to read minds, read faces too..one look, exchange of a few words and boom….i just know what they are made of. ..not that I have not done mistakes after all to err is human na…
30’s has brought with it a wonderful sense of self-realization. A great feeling of freedom..a feeling of “ I can do what I want”. I can now differentiate a genuine compliment v/s fake, can get away from that salesgirl trying to promote a new beauty product, ask somebody to move out of my way in a crowd..and the list continues and so does the joy!!

Can’t help smiling when I hear Jay-Z sing 30’s the new 20........how true..how true( shout)..

A few things I wanna do before I hit 40 –

 Lose a few kilo’s ( n save me from old age pains:)
 Go on a trekking and it sure has to be the Himalayas or its ranges
 Pick up a car and start driving…
 Buy a good SLR and get into serious photography
 N the list continues………….

There is so much to do..so much to live and love..isn’t it?
I wanna keep the faith alive that I can do better with time:D

After all……….“Age is just a number".........................

Len

All I need now is to see you
your lovely little face
in your eyes i see...
Dreams and hope for new beginnings…

(missing my little one more than words can say!)

She...

It was one of these days she got to know that he was dead. When she heard the news it was very painful, she felt as though somebody had stabbed her heart. But gradually it sinked in, there wasn’t much she could do about it, she was too far away..
There was a time when he meant the world to her, he didn’t give her one chance. She was full of love for him and he was high of life..
She wanted to be his and he wanted to get away from her, it was a difficult situation. He tried to make her understand that he was a ship who never docked, but she was not willing to listen maybe because she was young and naïve or so full of love....
But soon for no reason they drifted apart, more because there wasn’t anything to hold back except for a handful of memories which she cherished,
She never forgot a few words, that piercing glance, the loving touch….it was to remain with her forever..
Not after long she heard he was somebody else she again thought of the good old days and a silent tear escaped…
She was still struggling thru life….trying to get hold of her emotions and dock in elsewhere!
She didn’t attempt to know how he was faring in life, for she knew she will be drawn to him if she does know. She only wished happiness!
Soon she tied the knot and had a lovely little baby..there was no looking back for her. She didn’t have time to think of anything except the little one, he became the world to her, but yes there were times she thought of the past and about HIM and and wondered why he had not wanted her or how could he let her go:)

Now after so many years when she heard of his death, she wondered what had gone wrong. Probably everything….he was someone who didn’t value people, emotions and most of all Love..
She could have stopped all this from happening if only she was given a chance..Alas it is too late,
All that is remaining is a few wonderful memories which she holds close to her heart and will always will,

If only people know the value of true love…………………………..

Anniversary!

another year has passed by, don't know how to describe..safe to say was okay:)
sometimes i sit and wonder what if i had married somebody else, my thoughts get nowhere coz i was always meant to be his, this relationship has made me strong, independent and etc., it has helped me to come out of my shell, i aimed at a few things which i wouldn't have dreamt of earlier,
wish for a great deal of love and happiness to both of us...
the day passed by smoooth, two of my lovely friends treated at CCD thanks girlies for making my day a little more special...love ya both:)
they both insisted i plan for dinner..which i was not sure..
back home for some reasons didnt feel doing anything...when i called Raj he said dinner was out!..so we ended up eating Chinese my all time favorite.
so there passes another beautiful day...!

Books...n me!

A conversation at lunch made me think of writing on this, My love with books started way too early, i remember reading novels(that too in kannada)when i was in 5th standard, too young for that i should say. My Granny who was visiting us at that time would get irked to see me glued to book. Far away from civilization (atleast that's what we kids thought when we moved to our estate house)with no friends around this was the only thing we enjoyed,
Even the magzines which my parents bought was read with great excitement. I remember the Sports Star which was for Swaraj, the Filmfare for me. Sometimes at home all 4 of us i.e, dad n mom included would be busy reading in different rooms. Probably it was those times which brought out the reader in me.
Then came college not much time for reading. Mostly it was friends, gossip and outings....but nevertheless whenever i could i definitely read. There was a time in college when we would read day and night that was because the books from the library came with a timeline (one of my friend's aunt was the member btw). That i would say the Golden Era of reading:))

Reading is always so much fun coz we tend to imagine the characters, with a few we identify ourselves. Life after marriage and after Len hasn't left much time for me but i still read. Mostly it is light fiction nothing intense, i prefer smaller books so i can complete in a stretch.

There are moments when Raj gets irked with my reading and sometimes my little one too.
But they do not know that it is these books which shaped my personality, made me grow into a considerably knowledgeable person. I do not know what i would have turned out to be if not for all the books. Maybe i would have remained a village bumpkin forever..not that i am super sophisticated but atleat i am what i am....

I always believe "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication".
Thats for now!!!!

Life’s a Doughnut!!

Yeah..i am done with comparing Life to everything else and so here I am. It striked to me when I was relishing a sinful doughnut. I love doughnuts all of it..be it the simple honey dipped to extra sinful Bavarian cream or chocolate fudge ones and not to forget the strawberry, blueberry ones,,,,
The best I have had till now was at Chennai while on an official visit, there was one guy at the techpark we were who made the most wonderful ones, even to-date I can’t forget that taste and I am sure none of colleagues also would. And then in Singapore the first thing I did when I went out of my hotel was go straight to the “ Donut King”, they are spoilt for choices..ooh so many varities, I could stay there all day and just savor them all..but due to my large frame and due to time constraint I had to be happy with 4 variety:D

So that was about my love for the Doughnut or Donut however you wish you spell it…(it makes me nut..so I could say doonut …Ummm)

Back to the comparison..don’t you agree when I say all our lives are like different doughnuts, although it comes in different toppings the base is the same. We all look different, appear different, do different things, behave differently etc., but the basic framework is similar, we still need food, water, air to survive. And yes, all of us have a HOLE in life, some like me have a big HOLE a void which never seem to be filled, for others it could be something they lack, for a few it is money, for others health and for a few others it’s just emptiness. Somewhere along the line we forget being human beings and try to be everything else.

We come in all shapes, sizes, color, cultures but we are the same species, H.O.M.O.S.A.P.I.E.N.S aren’t we?

Happiness Redefined

(strictly applies only to me…)
-happiness to me is waking up 5 minutes before my alarm starts ringing, my first victory!!!
- is Lenny Baby waking up with a wide smile and calling out for me..
- is knowingly already what I want to cook for breakfast..:)
- is finding the clothes I want to wear all pressed and ready to be picked up from my wardrobe(which happens once in a bluemoon mind ya;(
- is hearing that nice lovely song be played on the security guy’s mobile phone
- is leaving home finally forgetting nothing…
- is finding all the traffic lights green and I go zooooom….
- is reaching office before my boss:D
- is meeting friends for lunch and have a wonderful conversation
- is packing two sinful doughnuts one for me and one for lenny
- is going back home after a trip to the nearest mall not spending a single pie other than the doughnut of course!
- is when my phone suddenly rings enroute home displaying a good friend’s name..a bliss!!
-is when I sit and scan thru the morning papers ….a luxury!
-is when the simple dish I make turns out be oh so exotic….
- is when a day ends without an argument with hubby
-is when I finally hit the bed and I go Zzzzzzzz

the year that passed by without a single post:(

After close to a year..am back to this, all thru the while I wished I could put my thoughts into words, somehow didn’t manage,
Yeah the last one year was sure exciting, moved into our new pad which I think is the highlight! It sure is a awesome feeling to move into one’s own house, didn’t like it at first, too many problems to deal with and then it was too cold, the whole house was cold. Everybody with whom I had a talk on this felt I should give it some time, the house becomes a home only after we settle in and then it will be warm and cozy, that happened!!!...now everything is fallen in place, all the 3 of us have found our nooks…:)

Nothing significant happened, really struggled my way thru 1st sem papers, most of my weekends went either studying or recuperating. World cup was fun the best part was able to watch the games with Len. He is undoubtedly cute..when he would go “ C’mon India” when some other countries would play and there we would go :D

Otherwise there were trips to Chennai and Kerala. Chennai one special coz folks joined in, len’s first time @ the beach, loads of fun etc., Kerala coz it was the first time I traveled wit my in-laws gang, equally fun. I enjoy seeing new places, new culture and so the trips are always special to me..What else?..a few farewells that saddened me as usual i have a problem in letting go people I like;( so typical ME

I hope to start writing quite regularly..let’s see how it goes